HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

Musings on themes found in Scarlet

by Stephen Lawhead
King Raven Trilogy Book 2

(Click on the book image to see it at Amazon)

Lawhead excels at portraying Christianity in a way that is historically accurate and thought provoking. In Scarlet several elements gave me food for thought.

Christianity verses pagan religion

One of the things that I find fascinating when reading Lawhead is his ability to illustrate the way in which Christianity and Paganism mixed and developed in the cultures of England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales. In the novel you see one sentence reflecting a tenant of Christianity and in the next you see pagan tradition set forth. It is an excellent picture of how these cultures saw the reflection of the Redeemer within their pagan religion and often accepted Jesus as the fulfillment that their traditions pointed to, without discarding many of the age old practices of their pagan faith. The character of Angharad the Banfaith exemplifies this blending of historical practice with faith in Christ. I personally would always like to see a clear change. In my reading of 2 Thessalonians chapter 1 this morning I saw how they forsook idol worship to turn to Christ, a clear cut change that all the area noticed. Yet, this is not the history of the cultures that Lawhead is writing about. There was a blending of Christianity with pagan religion and I feel that Lawhead is able to show this blending while distinguishing what is true Christianity and what rituals are left over from pagan cultures (for example: the ritual of the type of fur to sleep under for inducing visions).

True Christianity verses Christianity as a political tool

Lawhead did a masterful job of making contrast and comparison between true faith and religion that does not contain a true relationship with God. Some characters are corrupt but respected church leaders. Then you witness the political infighting within the church over the succession of the pope. In contrast, you have a lower clergyman whose true desire is to honor God and another clergyman who is willing to throw his lot in with a bunch of outlaws who are fighting for the downtrodden. Finally, you see the common man who appeals for his release “for the sake of Christ before whom we all must stand one day.” (Pg 212, Hardbound edition, copyright Stephen Lawhead) I enjoyed seeing these many contrast made in a way that fully fit the story and never seemed awkward or like forced caricatures.

The Plight of the Downtrodden

In the letter from Lawhead at the end of the novel titled, The Turbulent Times of William Scatlocke, the author states: “Will Scatlocke was, then, a man of his time. Denied his traditional way of life, with little or nothing to lose, he threw in his lot with Bran and his tribe of outlaws, who championed the cause of right and justice for those powerless to protect themselves.” (Pg 449, Hardbound edition, copyright Stephen Lawhead)

The theme of the powerless is another intensely Scriptural and completely applicable theme for modern day that breaks the heart. When we read of the fate of simple people whose lives were destroyed by a political twist it inspires the reader to cry for the lack of justice in the world. For us as believers today, we may not be able to stop the destruction of lives by the forces of nations but we can be examples of Christ to those broken, hurting and left powerless by forces beyond their control. Just as Will sets an example that inspires another character to leave the life he knows and the service of a corrupt leader to follow truth, we can be a light of truth and hope in our world.

Scarlet by Stephen Lawhead
Day 2

The Narrative:

In this second book of the trilogy the story follows the main character, Will Scatlocke, also know as Scarlet. The cover shows an image of a gallows’ knot reflecting the essence of the tale. Scarlet is a first person narrative, a tale that Will spins for the scribe Odo as he awaits the hangman’s noose. His crime: swearing fealty to Rhi Bran.

Will succinctly describes his tale saying, “Well, that’s Will Scarlet for you – doomed beginning and end. Oh, but shed him no tears – he had himself a grand time between.” (Pg 51, hardbound edition, copyright 2007 Stephen R. Lawhead)

Will’s grand time makes for grand reading.

Overview:

The writing is pure Lawhead, intensely historical and beautifully lyrical, captivating the audience with vivid characters. The story contains an excellent balance of adventure, intrigue and romance.

Tomorrow check back as I'll discuss elements of the story that caught my interest and in the meantime consider checking out the author's site for a full synopsis of the plot and the first chapter of the book.

Scarlet by Stephen Lawhead
King Raven Trilogy Book 2

The Author:

Stephen Lawhead resides in Oxford England and is well known for his mythic history and imaginative fiction. You can visit Lawhead's website at: http://www.stephenlawhead.com/

I’ve been a Lawhead fan for years. After being absolutely captivated with his Empyrion series, I was pleased to discover this new series: The King Raven Trilogy. You can click the book cover above to find the book at Amazon.

The Background:

"Scarlet" follows Book One of the series which is titled “Hood” and tracks the story of the character Rhi Bran y Hud (King Raven the Enchanter).

The series is a mythical telling of the Robin Hood legend set in 11th century Wales and yet it is a story that applies to our modern world in many ways. The supplement at the end of the novel, titled, The Turbulent Times of William Scatlocke, makes for thought provoking reading. Just one of the comparisons that caught my attention was found in the following quote:

“And if nowadays it is not uncommon to learn that the man driving your taxi was actually a heart surgeon in his own country, or that the woman who cleans the office building was a university lecturer before she was driven out of the land of her birth…then neither was it uncommon in Will Scarlet’s day to meet drifters, beggars, thieves and outlaws who had previously been the bedrock of traditional communities now laid waste by invaders.” (Pg 447, Hardbound edition, copyright 2007 Stephen R. Lawhead)

The book brings 11th century Wales to life while making compelling comparisons and contrasts to modern society and the timeless issues of justice, honor and grace.

Tomorrow check back for more on "Scarlet" and in the meantime...check out some of the other CSFF members posting about this book.

Trish Anderson
Brandon Barr
Wayne Thomas Batson
Jim Black
Justin Boyer
Grace Bridges
Amy Browning
Jackie Castle
Valerie Comer
CSFF Blog Tour
D. G. D. Davidson
Chris Deanne
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Beth Goddard
Marcus Goodyear
Andrea Graham
Jill Hart
Katie Hart
Sherrie Hibbs
Timothy Hicks
Christopher Hopper
Becca Johnson
Jason Joyner
Kait
Karen
Dawn King
Tina Kulesa
Mike Lynch
Margaret
Karen McSpadden
Melissa Meeks
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Mirtika or Mir's Here
Eve Nielsen
John W. Otte
John Ottinger
Lyn Perry
Deena Peterson
Rachelle
Cheryl Russel
Ashley Rutherford
Hanna Sandvig
Chawna Schroeder
James Somers
Steve Trower
Speculative Faith
Robert Treskillard
Jason Waguespac
Daniel I. Weaver
Laura Williams
Timothy Wise

A Prayer for Today

Let Me Be by Caedmon's Call

Lord, You are the maker of my heart
The framer and reshaper of my soul
Master and Creator
Healer and Sustainer
I will put my trust in You alone

Teach me to be faithful to confess
In this way my spirit will be blessed
Though my sins are daily,
You have loved me greatly
Removing them as far as East from West

Let me be open
Let me be humble
Let me find the joy of my salvation in Your cross
Let me be broken
Whenever I stumble
Let me remember the great mercy of my God

Give me the full measure of Your grace
As it is reflected in the Word
Faith and reassurance
Mercy and endurance
Carry these to those who haven’t heard

So let me be open
Let me be humble
Let me find the joy of my salvation in your cross
Let me be broken
Whenever I stumble
Let me remember the great mercy of my God

All I have needed is laid at your table
All my achievements, I lay at your feet
Alive in your spirit, I’m willing and able
You make my joy complete

Let me be open
Let me be humble
Let me find the joy of my salvation in your cross
Let me be broken whenever I stumble
Let me remember the great mercy

Make my joy complete

Listen to clip at Itunes

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Journey, 11-23-07

“O LORD, the king rejoices in your strength…Surely you have granted him eternal blessings and made him glad with the joy of your presence. Psalm 21:1a, 6

I had three Thanksgiving Day celebrations this year. We held a celebration for the English club students in Pécel, another for the English program attendees in Petőfibánya and yet another for our team on the actual holiday. So, I’ve taken more time than usually to think of all of things that I am thankful for. The list is long but the things that made it to the very top are the Word of God and the Presence of God, the Holy Spirit living within me. As the Psalmist says: “Eternal blessings.”

I love how God speaks directly to my soul every time I open the Word. No matter if I am sad or weary or frustrated, He encourages me with His truth and comforts me with His presence. And when I am happy, then He makes my joy overflow by reminding me of the great and precious promises of His Word.

What a wonderful gift! Give thanks to the LORD, His love endures forever…

Thanksgiving Day

On Monday we had a Thanksgiving celebration for the English Program in Petofibanya. There was a cornucopia of thanks and lots of food. :)

Today is the actual holiday of Thanksgiving and other than writing this blog I am planning on staying away from my computer, relaxing and later sharing a meal with my teammates. I hope that your Thanksgiving day is a wonderful celebration of the many abundant blessings of our Lord!!!

Thanksgiving Celebration in Pecel

We had a great time with the students in Pecel as we shared all about the American holiday of Thanksgiving. More than 20 students came! We gave them a brief history of the holiday, shared the top five thanksgiving traditions and watched the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special. It was interesting to hear them talk about the concept of everyone sharing what they are thankful for, as that is not at all common in this society.

The students were brave and tried a number of foods that they had never eaten before, like sweet potato casserole, pumpkin pie and maple cheesecake.

Best of all several students stayed for a long time after the party just to talk! A number of them showed interest in coming to camp this summer. Please continue to pray that God will do a work in the lives of these students! Also pray for the Thanksgiving celebration that we will be having in Petofibanya on Monday!

Journey, 11-14-07

Moses said to the LORD, “You have been telling me, “Lead these people, but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you.” The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest”. Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?” And the LORD said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.” Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.”
Exodus 33:12-13a, 14-18


I love both of Moses’ requests in this passage. God has called Moses to a huge job, the job of leading a stubborn and complaining people out of Egypt and to the Promised Land. In this situation Moses could have asked for many things. He needed God’s protection. He needed God’s provision for the people. He needed direction and victory over the enemies surrounding them. Yet, what did he ask?

He asked first for God to teach him His ways. The first thing on Moses’ mind is that He wants to please God and continue to find favor in His eyes. In the front of his mind stands the desire to learn from God. God’s response to this request caught my attention. He promises that His Presence will go with Moses and He adds something else. He says that He will give Moses “rest.” I am sure that rest is not something that was on Moses’ calendar. I think his day-planner included tasks like: lead this vast number of people through enemy infested deserts, feed them, find water, handle all their complaints and don’t lose anyone. I don’t imagine that he penciled in much time to rest. Yet, that was God’s promise to Moses. “I will give you rest.”

Moses seems to skip over this statement. The next verse shows him still focused on God’s presence with them. Moses focuses on God’s presence because he knows that without it he is doomed to fail. When God assures Moses once again that He will be with him, then Moses makes another request. He says, “Now show me your glory.” I wonder if this request had to do with the rest God had promised. You see, I have found in my life that rest doesn’t just come from times of leisure or the removal of responsibility. True rest comes from gazing on the glory of God. When we turn our eyes fully onto the LORD and see His glory, then all the other cares of the world start to slip away. When we turn our eyes fully on Jesus and gaze deeply we find peace. Like a child held safe in their parents arms, we find security and our souls can rest in safety.

I wonder if these thoughts motivated Moses’ request. I wonder if he thought, ok – now that I have assurance that you will go with me in the overwhelming task you have given me, now I’ll take some of that rest you promised. Show me your glory and renew my soul.

These thoughts have been circling around in my mind lately. I have the Holy Spirit within me and God has shown me so many times that He is with me and that He goes before me in this life He has called me to. In the midst of all the busyness, the frustrations, the sacrifices and difficulties, God’s offer of rest still stands. So today I am asking God that He will show me His glory. That He would hide me in the cleft of the rock, cover me with his hand and let his glory pass by, renewing my soul with a vision of His glory.

May we all find rest and renewal for our souls as we gaze on the LORD of Glory.

Thanksgiving

I love this comic, may we all be SO thankful!

On Thursday we are hosting a Thanksgiving dinner for the English Club kids in Pecel. This afternoon and most of tomorrow will be taken up with cooking and preparing information about Thanksgiving as an American tradition. Pleae pray that God will go before us. This is only our second time to get to meet with these kids off campus and this time the topic itself leads into opportunities to share our faith in Christ. Please pray that we will be able to share clearly the reason that we have to give thanks. Pray that God will draw these students to ask questions and to seek the truth.

Next Monday we are hosting a Thanksgiving dinner after the English Program in Petofibanya. Please also pray for this event as students who never stay for the Bible hour are planning on coming to the dinner.

And now, back to the kitchen...

Contemplations

I’m sitting here contemplating the many facets of fear. I talked about fear in one of my updates last month and here I am again, thinking on it again.

Fear is a natural reaction, accompanied by adrenaline, a God implanted physical response to danger. Every time an angel appears it seems they start their message with “Fear Not.” People reacted with fear as a natural response to these awesome messengers from God.

Next, there is fear that becomes panic. This is the kind of fear where you let your initial chemical response to fear take over. Fueled by your worries this fear leads to irrational action and the inability to make wise decisions.

Then there is another type of fear: A conscious choice to give a situation the respect and consideration that it deserves. Yesterday, in the morning sermon, we studied the verse: “Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” (Matt. 10:28) This is a description of a “thinking” fear. It is a choice not to panic but to evaluate your fear and to determine a response.

So, you may be wondering why I am rambling on about fear. Just last week I talked with a teammate about how exhausting this life is for me and how I get frustrated at always feeling tired. She reminded me that this life that we live is one in which almost all of our control has been removed (which can be mentally and physically draining). I have no real control over my finances, God either provides or he doesn’t but I can’t go pick up an odd job to "help Him" make ends meet. And I can’t communicate clearly so that often leads to misunderstandings and removes the aspect of control from relationships. And things are always changing. I have to be willing to let God lead and change my plans, relinquishing schedules and my ideas of what I intend to do with my time. This morning I faced another situation that was out of my control and I faced moments of all three of these types of fear.

Gus woke me up early begging to be fed, as always. I walked into the hallway and saw that my windows were standing wide open. It wasn’t that someone broke in during the night because my things were all still here. We had a windstorm just after midnight. I can’t imagine how the wind opened two, double paned windows but it must have. The panic started when I couldn’t find Finn and realized he could have been gone all night. He’s an inside cat who simply doesn’t have any street smarts because he hasn’t had the outside life experience. I could only think of my cat Timothy who got out and was hit by a car. I started to let my initial, chemical response of fear take control.

I quickly bundled up and set out in the snow and ice calling my cat. I called a friend and sent a message to another who I didn’t think would be up. I asked for prayer and started praying as I walked. If my neighbors didn’t think I was a crazy American before they certainly do now that they saw me at the crack of dawn, walking around the streets in the snow and ice calling “Finnigan.” The amazing thing was that as I walked and prayed, God gave me a calmer, more realistic response to the danger of the situation while removing the panic. AND he helped me find Finn. Two hours later he was safe at home. I found him hiding under a car not far from here.

Still, that after-adrenaline knot in the pit of my stomach hasn’t completely gone away and here I sit contemplating fear. It really did amaze me how God could take away my panic and calm my heart even though the reason for fearing hadn’t been removed. I am so thankful for the presence of the living God in my life. When He says, “Do not fear, for I am with you,” (Isaiah 41:10) I believe it must mean the type of fear that leads to panic because His presence is able to calm our hearts, even in situations completely out of our control, if we will trust Him with our fears.

So I’m thanking Him for his answer to my prayer, for finding Finn safe and sound. And I am reminded that He is able to be my strength and calm my fears when I face situations in which I have no control, which is fairly often these days.

First Snow of the Season

After church I had coffee with a friend and as I was leaving the snow began. Big fluffy white flakes floating down from above - BEAUTIFUL. I wasn't exactly prepared for it. I wore heels and my medium weight jacket this morning. I had to stop by the grocery store on the way home and by the time I came out my car was COVERED in snow. I should have taken a picture of it. This is a picture that I took of my street. It's still snowing big, fluffy flakes and it's still sticking. I can hear the neighbor kids out playing in it in their yard. Looks like winter has arrived.

Faith Awakened By Grace Bridges

Click on the image to visit the Faith Awakened Website!

The CFRB November tour (Christian Fiction Review Blog) features the book Faith Awakened by Grace Bridges. Visit the CFRB site: click on the CFRB image to the left or follow the link on my sidebar.


About the Author (from the Faith Awakened website)

Grace Bridges is a New Zealander with partly Irish roots and has spent many years in Germany. She was home schooled and spent most of her early learning years reading novels – in the end it made her a writer. Faith Awakened is her first novel.

She also enjoys reading (of course!), culinary improvisation, living with cats, inventing things, web design and graphics, and meeting people both real and virtual.

Bridges is a pen name - Grace is for real!


About the Book and My Thoughts

(I am trying to do this without any spoilers. Please forgive me if I give too much away)

“In virtual stasis to escape a deadly virus, an ex-slave finds far more than just survival...”

The first chapter of the book immediately drew me into the story. Recently I have picked up a number of novels that were very slow to draw me into the plot, but this tale held my attention me from the beginning. Overall I would refer to the story as thought-provoking and sober, even as it clearly portrays hope and the hand of God.

Personally, I believe the writing style could use some polish, however, I would say that about most of the first novels of even my favorite authors. I look forward to seeing Grace's style develop.

The layout of the book showed immense creativity. It reminded me of J.J. Abrams style in Alias and the third Mission Impossible movie. The book begins near the end of the story and tracks back and forth through events. It is a very effective tool for keeping a readers attention.

This is a science fiction novel, however, the technical elements are minimal so readers of other genres might enjoy the tale, especially if they enjoy a first person look at someones life story.

In this novel Mariah and Faith each tell the stories of their lives in journal form.

Mariah is an ex-slave in a world gone mad. The world is our own, but in a time where all has changed. In Mariah’s character we see God reach out and draw her to believe. While witnessing her blossoming faith we also observe the bitter steps of humanity toward its own destruction. In contrast to this destruction there remains life. This life is a gift from God, who in this novel is referred to as “The Awakener.” Does “The Awakener” wish for Mariah to live? Will He reach into her life and provide a way?

We meet Faith as a child, safe and secure in her parents home in Ireland. Faith knows nothing of the terror of Mariah’s world. She grows from childhood enfolded by faith in God and security. Still, she struggles with anger, depression and the direction of her life. Sometimes she feels trapped and other times she feels compelled by a hand not her own. Is God in her choices? Does He have a plan for her?

I enjoyed the contrast between Mariah and Faith and the insightful descriptions of how God is Master of all things and all created worlds. I found the description of depression and discouragement interesting when it was found in a “virtual” world. It is an intriguing exposition on how the human soul is prone to dissatisfaction in all things, even our own idea of "heaven on earth", unless God draws the focus to Himself. I appreciated seeing these themes played out in both Mariah and Faith's experiences as they stumbled along and found a God who had both a purpose and a plan in the midst of a unique life situation.

You can find the book here at Amazon

Other members of CFRB blogging about Faith Awakened:

David's Day 1 Comment at CFRB

Caprice Hokstad's blog

Cathi Hassan's blog

Carole McDonnell's blog

Lyn Perry's Blog

Pictures of Rural Hungary

From our Teambuilding Weekend

Our teambuilding retreat was located in a rural area of the Hungarian plains. The sunsets were fabulous, the changing colors of the leaves were beautiful and I even saw a shepherd with his sheep on my afternoon walk.

The retreat occurred over a holiday weekend. November 1st is All Saints day here in Hungary and the dead are remembered and honored with flowers and candles. These are a couple of pictures of a small graveyard near where we were staying.

I wondered how many of the gravestones represented people who had heard the truth that God desired a personal relationship with them. I pray that in the future this land will be filled with believers who need not fear death.

We had a good weekend of discussion, planning and fellowship. Please continue to pray for and with us about the many decisions that we have to make in regard to summer ministries for 2008. Pray that we will be a light of truth and of hope in this nation.

Teambuilding

This weekend was a country wide teambuilding retreat for all the PI Teams working in this nation. Here’s a group shot of the people who were at the retreat.

Our theme was “Living in Community” and I found a great quote from Michael Craven, Christianity Today. It summarizes what we want to be about here as a Team and a Community, reflecting Christ within the Body of Believers in a way that shines of His glory in a lost and lonely world.

“The intentional recovery of authentic community within the Church where Christians are transparent and caring, giving of their possessions and time to others, cultivating deep relationships with one another – this as much as anything else, will bear powerful witness of the risen Christ to an increasingly lonely world.”

Tune in tomorrow for some pictures from the area where the retreat was held...

BOWLING

Had a fun time with some of the girls
from English Club on Wednesday.
Here are some photos.

My Thoughts on “Hollywood Nobody” by Lisa Samson

Hollywood Nobody

First, I am NOT the target demographic for this type of book. This story is written for teen and pre-teen girls and contains a lot of references to pop culture. Now I’m a thirty something ex-pat who wasn’t really interested in pop culture even when I lived in the states.

Still, I enjoyed this book and that is saying something because, based on the stats above, I am not the normal reader of this genre. So, I think that teenage girls will enjoy this book even more than I did.

Some of my thoughts:

One, I would encourage you parents out there to read this along with your teens (or pre-teens). It gives some great topics for discussion. My mom was special :) and I remember many of the discussions that we had about books and films over the years. They were great growing and critical thinking opportunities for me.

The main character, Scotty, was fun and engaging. Scotty is not a Christian but interacts with different believers and church situations that she encounters on the road. I appreciate the honest perspective of seeing real people being loving, caring examples of Jesus, as well as those encounters that she perceived as an act or a performance. It created a great reminder that as believers we need to be transparent, genuine and real with others.

There were times that the story seemed to jerk away from something without rounding out the thought. I think that this was generally done on purpose. The author introduces things, for example the characters from “The Great Gatsby,” without ever telling the storyline. This happens again when the author brings in John Wesley as Scotty’s “new hero” but explains very little, at that point, about Wesley or why Scotty would think of him as a hero. I believe that the intention to get readers to “google” these things for themselves to learn more about them, but I’m not really sure that most readers would do so. Although it is a good opportunity for parents to interact with their kids, prompting them to do some research, I would have liked to have seen a better, more well rounded description of the topics that were introduced.

The only other thing that gave me pause was that while reading the book I started getting the impression that the teenager actually knew more and had more sense than the adult. Now I am not discounting that this can happen in the world, but I dislike the way the media often belittles authority and makes authority figures, such as parents, out to be incompetent. Now this particular story is told from the teenager’s point of view and in the end we see that there were events in play that she knew nothing about. So eventually we see that Charley (the parent) was acting on information that, when discovered, put her actions into perspective. So while she isn't a perfect parent figure, she isn't made out to be completely imcompetent either, which I appreciated. She was portrayed as a parent struggling to do the best she could in a difficult situation. This is another great topic for discussion and includes food for thought on the parent’s right to withhold information (or even lying) for the sake of protecting their child, the results of a child’s lies to the parent (for the sake of independence) and the overall consequences that secrets and lies have on relationships.

Overall, I think Hollywood Nobody is a great book full of fun characters that raises some interesting discussion points for teens.

It is November 1st, time for the FIRST Day Blog Tour! (Join our alliance! Click the button!) The FIRST day of every month we will feature an author and his/her latest book's FIRST chapter!

See tomorrow's blog post for my thoughts on this book.

This month's feature author is:

LISA SAMSON

and her book:

Hollywood
Nobody

Th1nk Books (August 30, 2007)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Lisa Samson is the author of twenty books, including the Christy Award-winning Songbird. Apples of Gold was her first novel for teens. Visit Lisa at

http://www.lisasamson.com/

These days, she's working on Quaker Summer, volunteering at Kentucky Refugee Ministries, raising children and trying to be supportive of a husband in seminary. (Trying . . . some days she's downright awful. It's a good thing he's such a fabulous cook!) She can tell you one thing, it's never dull around there.

Other Novels by Lisa:

Straight Up, Club Sandwich, Songbird,
Tiger Lillie, The Church Ladies, Women's Intuition: A Novel, Songbird, The Living End

AND
NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

Hollywood Nobody: April 1


Happy April Fool’s Day! What better day to start a blog about Hollywood than today?

Okay, I’ve been around film sets my whole life. Indie films, yeah, and that’s all I’m saying about it here for anonymity’s sake. But trust me, I’ve had my share of embarrassing moments. Like outgrowing Tom Cruise by the age of twelve — in more ways than one, with the way he’s gotten crazier than thong underwear and low-rise jeans. Thankfully that fashion disaster has run for cover.

Underwear showing? Not a good idea.

Fact: I don’t know of a single girl who doesn’t wish the show-itall boxer-shorts phenomenon would go away as well. Guys, we just don’t want to see your underwear. Truthfully, we believe that there is a direct correlation between how much underwear you show and how much you’ve got upstairs, if you know what I mean.

I’ve seen the stars at their best and at their worst. And believe me, the worst is really, really bad. Big clue: you’d look just as pretty as they do if you went to such lengths. As you might guess, some of them are really nice and some of them are total jerks, and there’s a lot of blah in-betweeners. Like real life, pretty much, only the extremes are more extreme sometimes. I mean honestly, how many people under twenty do you know who have had more than one plastic surgery?

So you’ll have to forgive me if I’m a little hard on these folks. But if it was all sunshine and cheerleading, I doubt you’d read this blog for long, right?

Today’s Rant: Straightening irons. We’ve had enough of them, Little Stars, okay? It was bad on Helen Hunt at the Oscars, worse on Demi, yet worse on Madonna, and it’s still ridiculous. Especially on those women who are trying to hold onto their youth like Gollum holds onto that ring. Ladies, there’s a reason for keeping your hair at or above your shoulders once you hit forty, and ever after. Think Annette Bening. Now she’s got it going on. And can’t you just see why Warren Beatty settled down for her? Love her! According to The Early Show this morning, curls are back, and Little Me ain’t going to tell why I’m so glad about that!

Today’s Kudo: Aretha Franklin. Big, bold, beautiful, and the best. Her image is her excellence. Man, that woman can sing! She has a prayer chain too. I’m not very religious myself, but you got to respect people who back up what they say they believe. Unless it’s male Scientologists and "silent birth." Yeah, right. Easy for them to say.

Today’s News: I saw a young actor last summer at a Shakespeare festival in New England. Seth Haas. Seth Hot is more like it. I heard a rumor he’s reading scripts for consideration. Yes, he’s that hot. Check him out here. Tell all your friends about him. And look here on Hollywood Nobody for the first, the hottest news on this hottie. Girls, he’s only nineteen! Fair game for at least a decade-and-a-half span of ages.

I don’t know about you, but following the antics of new teen rock star Violette Dillinger is something I’m looking forward to. Her first album, released to much hype, hit Billboard’s no. 12 spot its third week out. And don’t you love her hit single "Love Comes Knocking on My Door"? This is going to be fun. A new celeb. Uncharted territory. Will Violette, who seems grounded and talented, be like her predecessors and fall into the "great defiling show-business machine" only to be spit out as a half-naked bimbo? We’ll see, won’t we? Keep your fingers crossed that the real artist survives.

Today’s Quote: "Being thought of as ‘a beautiful woman’ has spared me nothing in life. No heartache, no trouble. Beauty is essentially meaningless." Halle Berry

Later!


Friday, April 2

I knew it was coming soon. We’d been camped out in the middle of a cornfield, mind you, for two weeks. That poke on my shoulder in the middle of the night means only one thing. Time to move on.

"What, Charley?"

"Let’s head ’em on out, Scotty. We’ve got to be at a shoot in North Carolina tomorrow afternoon. I’ve got food to prepare, so you have to drive."

"I’m still only fifteen."

"It’s okay. You’re a good driver, baby."

My mom, Charley Dawn, doesn’t understand that laws exist for a reason, say, keeping large vehicles out of the hands of children. But as a food stylist, she fakes things all the time.

Her boundaries are blurred. What can I say?

Charley looks like she succumbed to the peer pressure of plastic surgery, but she hasn’t. I know this because I’m with her almost all the time. I think it’s the bleached-blond fountain of long hair she’s worn ever since I can remember. Or maybe the hand-dyed sarongs and shirts from Africa, India, or Bangladesh add to the overall appearance of youth. I have no idea. But it really makes me mad when anybody mistakes us as sisters.

I mean, come on! She had me when she was forty!

My theory: a lot of people are running around with bad eyesight and just don’t know it.

I throw the covers to my left. If I sling them to my right, they’d land on the dinette in our "home," to use the term in a fashion less meaningful than a Hollywood "I do." I grew up in this old Travco RV I call the Y.

As in Y do I have to live in this mobile home?

Y do I have to have such an oddball food stylist for a mother?

Y must we travel all year long? Y will we never live anyplace long enough for me to go to the real Y and take aerobics, yoga, Pilates or — shoot — run around the track for a while, maybe swim laps in the pool?

And Y oh Y must Charley be a vegan?

More on that later.

And Y do I know more about Hollywood than I should, or even want to? Everybody’s an actor in Hollywood, and I mean that literally. Sometimes I wonder if any of them even know who they are deep down in that corner room nobody else is allowed into.

But I wonder the same thing about myself.

"You’re not asking me to drive while you’re in the kitchen trailer, are you, Charley?"

"No. I can cook in here. And it’s a pretty flat drive. I’ll be fine."

I’m not actually worried about her. I’m thinking about how many charges the cops can slap on me.

Driving without a license.

Driving without a seat belt on the passenger.

Speeding, because knowing Charley, we’re late already.

Driving without registration. Charley figured out years ago how to lift current stickers off of license plates. She loves "sticking it to the man." Or so she says.

I kid you not.

Oh, the travails of a teenager with an old hippie for a mother. Charley is oblivious as usual as I continue my recollection of past infractions thankfully undetected by the state troopers: Driving while someone’s in the trailer. It’s a great trailer, don’t get me wrong, a mini industrial kitchen we rigged up a couple of years ago to make her job easier. Six-range burner, A/C, and an exhaust fan that sucks up more air than Joan Rivers schmoozing on the red carpet. But it’s illegal for her to go cooking while we’re in motion.

"All right. Can I at least get dressed?"

"Why? You’re always in your pj’s anyway."

"Great, Mom."

"It’s Charley, baby. You know how I feel about social hierarchy."

"But didn’t you just give me an order to drive without a license? What if I say no?"

She reaches into the kitchen cupboard without comment and tips down a bottle of cooking oil. Charley’s as tall as a twelve-year-old.

"I mean, let’s be real, Charley. You do, in the ultimate end of things, call the shots."

I reach back for my glasses on the small shelf I installed in the side of the loft. It holds whatever book I’m reading and my journal. I love my glasses, horn-rimmed "cat glasses" as Charley calls them. Vintage 1961. Makes me want to do the twist and wear penny loafers.

"Can I at least pull my hair back?"

She huffs. "Oh, all right, Scotty! Why do you have to be so difficult?"

Charley has no clue as to how difficult teenagers can actually be. Here I am, schooling myself on the road, no wild friends. No friends at all, actually, because I hate Internet friendships. I mean, how lame, right? No boyfriend, no drugs. No alcohol either, unless you count cold syrup, because the Y gets so cold during the winter and Charley’s a huge conservationist. (Big surprise there.) I should be thankful, though. At least she stopped wearing leather fringe a couple of years ago.

I slide down from the loft, gather my circus hair into a ponytail, and slip into the driver’s seat. Charley reupholstered it last year with rainbow fabric. I asked her where the unicorns were and she just rolled her eyes. "Okay, let’s go. How long is it going to take?"

"Oh." She looks down, picks up a red pepper and hides behind it.

I turn on her. "You didn’t Google Map it?"

"You’re the computer person, not me." She peers above the stem. "I’m sorry?" She shrugs. Man, I hate it when she’s so cute. "Really sorry?"

"Charley, we’re in Wilmore, Kentucky. As in Ken-Tuck-EEE . As in the middle of nowhere." I climb out of my seat. "What part of North Carolina are we going to? It’s a wide state."

"Toledo Island. Something like that. Near Ocracoke Island. Does that sound familiar?"

"The Outer Banks?"

"Are they in North Carolina?"

Are you kidding me?

"Let me log on. This is crazy, Charley. I don’t know why you do this to me all the time."

"Sorry." She says it so Valley Girl-like. I really thought I’d be above TME: Teenage Mom Embarrassment. But no. Now, most kids don’t have mothers who dress like Stevie Nicks and took a little too much LSD back in the DAY. It doesn’t take ESP to realize who the adult in this setup is. And she had me, PDQ, out of the bonds of holy matrimony I might add, when she was forty (yes, I already told you that, but it’s still just as true), and that’s OLD to be caught in such an inconvenient situation, don’t you think? The woman had no excuse for such behavior, FYI.

My theory: Charley’s a widow and it’s too painful to talk about my father. I mean, it’s plausible, right?

The problem is, I can remember back to when I was at least four, and I definitely do not remember a man in the picture. Except for Jeremy. More on him later too.

I flip up my laptop. I have a great satellite Internet setup in the Y. I rigged it myself because I’m a lonely geek with nothing better to do with her time than figure out this kind of stuff. I type in the info and wait for the directions. Satellite is slower than DSL, but it’s better than nothing.

"Charley! It’s seventeen hours away!" I scan the list of twists and turns between here and there. "We have to take a ferry to Ocracoke, and then Toledo Island’s off of there."

"Groovy!"

"Groovy died with platform shoes and midis."

"Whatever, Scotty." Only she says it all sunny. She’s a morning person.

"That phrase should be dead."

Honestly, I’m not big on lingo. I’ve never been good at it, which is fine by me. Who am I going to impress with cool-speak anyway? Uma Thurman? Yeah, right. "Okay, let’s go."

"We can go as long as possible and break camp on the way, you know?" Charley.

I climb back into the rainbow chair, throw the Y into drive, pull the brake, and we’re moving on down the road.

Again.

Sample from Hollywood Nobody
ISBN: 1-60006-091-9
Copyright © 2006 NavPress Publishing. All rights reserved.
To order copies of this resource, come back to http://www.navpress.com/.